I am a bit nervous for tonight. It is The Man's work Christmas party and we are going. We do not get to go out as just adults hardly ever since we live where we have no family and friends to help with the kids. I also do not know how to go about finding someone to babysit because I would feel guilty asking someone else to give up their evening to watch my kids so I can go out and have fun. We are going to this party tonight and they have arranged babysitting for all of the kids of the people who are going to this party. I am a little nervous about how my children will act, especially the baby, but that is what cell phones are for, right? The Man says he knows the people who are watching the kids and feels comfortable with it so I am trying my best to try to not freak out about it. I am concerned that the baby will cry and not be able to be consoled. I know it is probably all in my own head but it is stressing me out. I will try to convince my oldest, S, to help keep an eye on his sister a little bit too since he will be a normal thing in her life and her little brothers are too young to hold her or cuddle her if need be.
I am also nervous about looking decent and making a good impression on these people that The Man works with. Unfortunately the one I am most concerned with is one of his bosses. This particular boss has had to come out and deal with my wrath when someone cannot do their job right and I got mad. (totally legitimate reasons but I am embarrassed anyway) Most of the rest of the people that The Man socializes with at work are several years younger than ourselves and most do not have children. Why does this make me nervous? Well, because I will feel old and fat compared to the other ladies around. Sure when I was 19 and had no kids I was skinny and young too, but now I am in my 30s and have had 4 kids which have not been too nice to my body. I am overweight and am afraid that whatever I wear will not look great on me. The Man thinks that I am totally crazy for caring what anybody thinks. He just doesn't get it.
Anyway wish me luck that the kids behave and that I can attempt to get over my insecurities enough to have a good night.