I Am Stressed

I am stressed. Not just stressed but, STRESSED. I like for my life to be pretty boring and for everything to run just the way I need it to. It does not always do that for me and I end up stressed. It appears to me that every time I get to a place where I feel comfortable in my life once again something has to come along and ruin it for me.

I have been married almost 7 years now. I married The Man in April 2005. The beginning of our marriage was quite rough as he was deployed more than half of our first 3 years of marriage. It is rough sitting home hoping and praying for an email to let you know that your loved one was OK. We found out that in 2009 we would be moving to England for 4 years. This sounded great to us because we would get to travel a bit and see another country that we might not otherwise get to see. He has also informed me that he would not be deploying as much since which was exciting to me. I wanted him to be able to see his kids grow up a little bit. Since we have been here the house prices have dropped where we came from to a level that we could have bought a house had we not been sent over here. This stresses me out. I want to buy a house. I want to know that I will have a roof over my head always. This year they (whatever great source pays the military people) have also decided that our COLA (cost of living allowance) is too much so over the course of this year they are  going to take $190.00 a month away from us. This hurts me. The food prices here are amazingly high compared to where we came from. There are also no double coupons and things do not go on great sales. The higher costs mean that we do not get to travel like we thought we would. So much for being in such a beautiful country.

Just recently I was delivered another blow. The Man has been in the military for 14 years this month. Great feat if you do ask me, as this life is not easy for sure. The plan has been to make it to 20 years and retire so that we would be OK on medical insurance and some sort of pay check while we were able to get settled and find new jobs. Well, thanks to the need to cut military troops there is a very real possibility that my husband could be kicked out of the military in 2013. He must make his next rank this year or next or he is done and will not be allowed to continue to retirement. The problem with this theory is that while my husband is awesome at his hands on work he has a much harder time taking written tests. They do not just give out rank because you are great at your job, you have to pass a written test. This might not be so terrible to some people but I have been a stay at home mom now for 5.5 years so we have no second income to fall back on. We are living overseas where I cannot just buy a house or try to get settled. We are, at minimum, 9-11 hours airplane ride away from our families. We are not due to go back to the states til only a few months prior to this new "rule" taking effect. I cannot get prepared quick enough for this.

I am scared out of my mind. I have never considered the possibility that my husband might not have his job. I cannot sleep. I am nauseous. I have to try to pay off any sort of debts between now and then, just in case. We just financed a vehicle that will not be paid off before this could happen. I have tried to explain my stress to The Man but I don't think he understands. I am the planner and the one who takes care of all the finances. He is very laid back and figures everything will just fall into place. I am very scared of the unknown. I need to know where life is heading.

If you have some time would you please pray, hope, think positive thoughts that my husband will be able to pass his test this year and that June will bring us great news. I would love to be able to feel the comfort again of knowing that we will be able to provide for our children. I do not like this feeling of uncertainty at all.

I am sorry if this isn't very well put together and sounds a bit jumbled. It is the middle of the night and I have so many scary thoughts running through my head I don't know how to sort them at the moment.