Stress is not good for me

I failed at getting all the laundry done this week. The past two weeks I have been caught up by Friday. This week I only got about half done. I did get other things in the house done and cleaned the van which is a whole task on its own. I have been feeling very stressed and down trying to figure out what to do about the future since The Man didn't make his rank and most likely wont have a job come next year.

I am scared! I do not want to think that after all these years that we can just up and be left without a place to live or any income. It is sad to know that you are just a number and can be replaced at the drop of a hat. I keep trying to think of new plans or ideas. I keep running into road blocks due to the fact we are stationed overseas until the end. It makes me sick to my stomach. It gives me headaches. I cant sleep. It is terrible. I am going to have to go to the doctor and see if they can give me something to help calm me. It is ruining my life. I don't want to stress and be miserable.

I don't know how people make it when they lose their jobs. We wont have a place to live since we have been living in base housing our whole marriage and we are supposed to be stuck here til the end. Then we have no where. Military life while a tough one has been good to us. We have had medical insurance and dental insurance. We have had a roof over our head and a steady pay check. The Man has been in the military his whole adult life. He does not have any other kind of job experience. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years now since I was put on bed rest with T. I was a hairstylist. I haven't been working so I am a little out of the loop. I am sure they have changed or improved techniques since I started staying home. I am not up on current trends or hairstyles either. I was and am still good at doing hair cuts and colors. I have been cutting my family's hair and coloring friends' hair since I have been home but I haven't had any salon experience. The only other job I have had was working fast food. I am not even sure how easy getting a job in fast food is in this day in age. I read the news about how many, many people are jobless but I have not been living in the USA for over 3 years now. I have not seen it first hand. I am scared to be thrown out on our behinds and then not be able to find jobs as well. This is the scariest time in my life. I do not like it one bit and I am not handling it well. I need some answers and soon or I will probably go loony.

Schooling - Part 3

My financial aid portion was approved. I am now waiting on the 1st of February to be enrolled and then my books to arrive. I am so excited and scared. I know I will be able to do it but I know I will have to make an effort for time for myself so I can study. I am also excited to show S (the oldest boy) how Mom can still study and get good grades. I think this is going to be important for him because he has decided he doesn't like school and doesn't want to put forth an effort.

If you know a military spouse of an E1 - E5 or O1- O2 let them know there is money for school out there for them. Free money. Tell them to contact Military One Source and ask about the MyCAA.

Schooling - part 2

My school goal was approved and now I am waiting on the financial aid portion to be approved. I could start my online class as early as February 1. I am super excited and nervous.  I want so badly to be able to get a really great grade in the class so that I can get my certificate and possibly take another class come October/November.

Schooling

I was/am a licensed cosmetologist. I went to beauty school right out of high school. I then worked in a salon for 6.5 years. I really enjoyed being a hairstylist but it is really hard on the body and I am a bit over weight, which doesn't help. I have been a stay at home mom now since 2006 when I was put on bed rest while pregnant with T. I really miss being a hairstylist but I am afraid that being out of the business too long I will need to update my knowledge just a bit before going back into the hair business. I cannot really do that while I am here so I have decided to strengthen my knowledge by taking an online class in a different subject. I will worry about updating my cosmetology skills once I am back stateside. I know most of the basics are not out of date but there have been up and coming things like threading and new hair straightening techniques that I would hope to learn.

I found out that the government has some money set aside to help military spouses go to school for what they deem "portable" careers. This is free money to go toward and associates or a certificate in these "portable" careers. The program is called Military Spouse Career Advancement Account. I have signed up and am waiting for the approval to take an online course for a certificate in medical billing and coding. There are lots of schools to choose from and I am going to be taking mine through a stateside university continuing education program. Once you sign up for MyCAA then you choose the education path you want to do and submit it to the program for approval. Once it is approved then your financial aid portion is submitted and approved. I am hoping that I should be able to start my classes in February. I am a bit scared because I have not been to any kind of schooling since leaving beauty school back in 1999. I am excited because I will get to learn something new and hopefully something I could put toward job finding when we get back to the states.

If you would like to find out more about the MyCAA program visit www.militaryonesource.com.

I Am Stressed

I am stressed. Not just stressed but, STRESSED. I like for my life to be pretty boring and for everything to run just the way I need it to. It does not always do that for me and I end up stressed. It appears to me that every time I get to a place where I feel comfortable in my life once again something has to come along and ruin it for me.

I have been married almost 7 years now. I married The Man in April 2005. The beginning of our marriage was quite rough as he was deployed more than half of our first 3 years of marriage. It is rough sitting home hoping and praying for an email to let you know that your loved one was OK. We found out that in 2009 we would be moving to England for 4 years. This sounded great to us because we would get to travel a bit and see another country that we might not otherwise get to see. He has also informed me that he would not be deploying as much since which was exciting to me. I wanted him to be able to see his kids grow up a little bit. Since we have been here the house prices have dropped where we came from to a level that we could have bought a house had we not been sent over here. This stresses me out. I want to buy a house. I want to know that I will have a roof over my head always. This year they (whatever great source pays the military people) have also decided that our COLA (cost of living allowance) is too much so over the course of this year they are  going to take $190.00 a month away from us. This hurts me. The food prices here are amazingly high compared to where we came from. There are also no double coupons and things do not go on great sales. The higher costs mean that we do not get to travel like we thought we would. So much for being in such a beautiful country.

Just recently I was delivered another blow. The Man has been in the military for 14 years this month. Great feat if you do ask me, as this life is not easy for sure. The plan has been to make it to 20 years and retire so that we would be OK on medical insurance and some sort of pay check while we were able to get settled and find new jobs. Well, thanks to the need to cut military troops there is a very real possibility that my husband could be kicked out of the military in 2013. He must make his next rank this year or next or he is done and will not be allowed to continue to retirement. The problem with this theory is that while my husband is awesome at his hands on work he has a much harder time taking written tests. They do not just give out rank because you are great at your job, you have to pass a written test. This might not be so terrible to some people but I have been a stay at home mom now for 5.5 years so we have no second income to fall back on. We are living overseas where I cannot just buy a house or try to get settled. We are, at minimum, 9-11 hours airplane ride away from our families. We are not due to go back to the states til only a few months prior to this new "rule" taking effect. I cannot get prepared quick enough for this.

I am scared out of my mind. I have never considered the possibility that my husband might not have his job. I cannot sleep. I am nauseous. I have to try to pay off any sort of debts between now and then, just in case. We just financed a vehicle that will not be paid off before this could happen. I have tried to explain my stress to The Man but I don't think he understands. I am the planner and the one who takes care of all the finances. He is very laid back and figures everything will just fall into place. I am very scared of the unknown. I need to know where life is heading.

If you have some time would you please pray, hope, think positive thoughts that my husband will be able to pass his test this year and that June will bring us great news. I would love to be able to feel the comfort again of knowing that we will be able to provide for our children. I do not like this feeling of uncertainty at all.

I am sorry if this isn't very well put together and sounds a bit jumbled. It is the middle of the night and I have so many scary thoughts running through my head I don't know how to sort them at the moment.

Christmas Party Update

*sorry for the horrible phone pic

This is the outfit I wore last night. I felt great. I got this dress on clearance at the store for less than $10. I paid 1 pound for the red belt at a local thrift store as well. It was very cold out so I wore a black jacket that matched the dress perfectly that I also paid less than $10 for.

They had a buffet meal and I did fabulous about my food choices. I only ate salad, turkey, carrots, green beans, and had a tiny spoon of cranberry sauce, and a half of a roll. I passed over the stuffing and mashed potatoes. I will say as nice as it was to go out for a night with The Man, our home cooked food tastes much better.

The kids did fabulously. S managed to help the babysitters by holding H at the beginning and helping her to be comfortable with one of the ladies. We were able to stay at the party until almost 10 p.m. and they didn't have to call us because she did so well. The little boys were great too. We got compliments on our children's behavior. This makes me proud. I love compliments on my children when they are being good. It makes me feel like I am not completely failing as a parent.

Date Night - Christmas Party

I am a bit nervous for tonight. It is The Man's work Christmas party and we are going. We do not get to go out as just adults hardly ever since we live where we have no family and friends to help with the kids. I also do not know how to go about finding someone to babysit because I would feel guilty asking someone else to give up their evening to watch my kids so I can go out and have fun. We are going to this party tonight and they have arranged babysitting for all of the kids of the people who are going to this party. I am a little nervous about how my children will act, especially the baby, but that is what cell phones are for, right? The Man says he knows the people who are watching the kids and feels comfortable with it so I am trying my best to try to not freak out about it. I am concerned that the baby will cry and not be able to be consoled. I know it is probably all in my own head but it is stressing me out. I will try to convince my oldest, S, to help keep an eye on his sister a little bit too since he will be a normal thing in her life and her little brothers are too young to hold her or cuddle her if need be.

I am also nervous about looking decent and making a good impression on these people that The Man works with. Unfortunately the one I am most concerned with is one of his bosses. This particular boss has had to come out and deal with my wrath when someone cannot do their job right and I got mad. (totally legitimate reasons but I am embarrassed anyway) Most of the rest of the people that The Man socializes with at work are several years younger than ourselves and most do not have children. Why does this make me nervous? Well, because I will feel old and fat compared to the other ladies around. Sure when I was 19 and had no kids I was skinny and young too, but now I am in my 30s and have had 4 kids which have not been too nice to my body. I am overweight and am afraid that whatever I wear will not look great on me. The Man thinks that I am totally crazy for caring what anybody thinks. He just doesn't get it.

Anyway wish me luck that the kids behave and that I can attempt to get over my insecurities enough to have a good night.

I Miss Me

While I love being able to stay home to be with my children when they are small I miss working. I miss the daily interaction with people who are not my family members. I miss the opportunity to be told what a great job I do every day. I miss getting dressed, doing my hair, and feeling confident. I have lost all of this by staying home. I am not one who likes to have to try to find play groups or what not because I always feel judged in those situations. I am afraid one of my kids will be to rough or make too big a mess. Because of this I stay home and don't take them out and about to meet people. This makes for a really lonely life. The other thing that drives me crazy is not being able to depend on The Man's work schedule. I knew marrying him life wouldn't be easy because of the military but I really never knew it would be as difficult as it is. It seems that every time I plan something he has to work or cannot take leave. I am just venting because I had made plans for myself and for the family this weekend and once again his work schedule messed it all up. I am stuck here sitting at home fuming with a ruined weekend on my hands. I miss the time when I was an employee and had more time for myself.

Dear Military Medical Facility

Dear Military Medical Facility,
     When I call to schedule an appointment and specifically tell you that the date you want me to come in is not going to work because The Man is going to be TDY and I would have to bring in all 4 of my children please don't schedule me that day and tell me there is no other option. When you do schedule me that appointment and I come on time with my 4 children in tow, like you said would be OK, it would be nice if you were running on time as well. My time is just as valuable as yours. It would also be nice if I could be informed that the doctors are running late prior to me sitting waiting for an hour with restless children and only being told when I walk up to try to reschedule my appointment. When I have reached the limit that I am ready to leave and reschedule my appointment please do not try to convince me to stay just a little bit longer. Did you not see my children being busy bodies and loud? I try to be polite but after sitting and waiting for an hour with children who are not on their best behavior I am sorry but I will not sit and wait longer. Please take a little time to think about informing people when you are running late as you expect the same courtesy from them. Also next time when a parent specifically asks to not be scheduled when they must drag all of their children along it would benefit you and the parent to not schedule them that day.
                                                                                               Thanks,
                                                                                               The Disgruntled Mom
                                                                                               (who now has a headache thanks to you)

10 Free Books For Military Members or Spouses

Another military wife on a board that I am part of shared with me that you can get 10 free books/playaway audio books from Military One Source per year. If you would like to order go here and check out their list of books. I ordered our books for this year and hope they get some other options next year to order. Shipping was also free.

He's Home!!!

YAY!! After 3 weeks of The Man being gone and the kids driving me batty the entire time he is finally home. I am so glad for him to be home. I missed him terribly. The kids missed his terribly. T would cry almost every night about how he missed his daddy. This made me sad because there was nothing I could do to make him happy at that point. This is the first time daddy has been gone that it really affected him and it made it harder for me. He has even asked daddy to make sure he is going to be home when he wakes up before he goes to bed the past couple of nights. I hope that he can get enough comfort in the fact that daddy is home by the time daddy has to go back to work next week so that the break downs do not start over again.

My Grump Of The Day

I am going to preface my grump today with the parts I do like about being a military wife. I do like the military because we have a steady paycheck. We get dental and medical benefits. We also get housing benefits and retirement options. And I must say The Man looks amazing in his uniform. But besides all those good things there are a few bad things. Next month I will have been married for 5 years and The Man has been deployed, at school, or TDY for about half of that time. The time he has been home we have had to struggle through constantly changing work shifts. I have been lucky enough to have The Man work the day shift for approximately 1.5 month total in the time we have been together. Most of the time he is either working the 3p - 11p shift never being home for homework, dinner or bedtimes or he is working the 11p - 7a shift attempting to sleep during the day and being extremely grumpy while he is awake. He has been gone for 3 weeks now fixing a broken airplane and this has been a rough 3 weeks for me. We are in a foreign country with no family and I have all of 1 friend here. Of course as my luck would have it that he would be gone while my 1 friend's family was visiting and I couldnt just call her and whine when my children were misbehaving. The rest of my friends are in several different states and of course different time zones which I still have not figured out. It is quite lonely not having anybody to talk to other than my children. When I married The Man I never figured this would be an issue. I had one son and worked a full time job. I had plenty of stimulation throughout my days. Now I have three sons and am a stay at home mom and feel like I do not get enough stimulation in my day any more. I love the fact that we can manage to make ends meet with me being home but I really want to be one of those super moms. You know the kind who have nice clean houses all the time, their children listen perfectly and they always look put together. Sorry for my grump of the day but I am feeling pretty sorry for myself today.

Since When Is My Time Less Important Than Yours?

Today is the first time I have had to have a military provider appointment and man am I disappointed. In the States I used Tricare standard so I could pick and choose my doctors and if I didn't like my care then I could switch without the headache of referrals. Being overseas I do not have that much luxury. I have to be seen at the Military Treatment Facility. I arrived for my 12:45 appointment at 12:25 knowing that I would have to fill out some paperwork since I haven't been seen there. I filled out the papers and was called back to a room promptly. Yay, I am going to be seen like a normal human. WRONG!!!! After sitting in the little room alone for 30 minutes someone finally came and said it would only be a few more minutes. Yeah right a few more minutes. It was almost 15 minutes later when the doctor would finally walk in. I was there for my annual pap and to get my IUD removed. I had originally tried to get an appointment in the OBGYN clinic as that is what I would have done in the States. I was denied and told to go to the Family Practice clinic. Guess what?? They couldn't take care of my IUD removal so now here I wait for who knows how many days to get a referral and then who knows how much longer to get an actual appointment. This is definitely not my ideal heath care system.

The Free Store

Being a part of a military family does have a few perks. Most bases have some kind of help for families in need. Here they have a free store commonly referred to as the Airman's Attic or Community Closet. This is like a free thrift store. Being overseas this is open to all ranks but I believe that in the States it is usually limited to E4 and below. You can go in and find clothes, housewares, books, toys and more. The only rule is that nothing there is for resale. This has been a great resource for us since we have 3 growing boys who always seem to need clothes. The best part about it is that when my boys are done with the clothes or shoes or toys we can bag them up and take them back to help out another family. We also take in stuff that we have bought ourselves to help replenish their stock. I find great joy taking a bag of stuff in to help others. It really helps me in reducing clutter and it definitely helps in my debt plan.